Largs & Millport Weekly News | Opinion | I know who real clowns are

Thursday, 16th October, 2008

Published: Wednesday, 9th July, 2008 12:00

I know who real clowns are

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Editor Drew Cochrane

SAVE THE ANIMALS! A noble idea you might think. It’s right up there with Save the Planet! and save some for me.

However, when Advocates for Animals started jumping up and down about a circus coming to town (well, Kelburn Estate, actually) we thought we’d better investigate.

We wondered how many Nellie the elephants, sabre-tooth tigers, and dancing bears Zippo’s Circus were incarcerating.

“So, what animals do you have behind bars” an intrepid reporter asked Zippo.

“A few horses, ponies and some budgies” he revealed. “But they don’t stay locked up very much.”

Changed days. When I were a lad you could see a full-blooded circus with lions and tigers which you half-hoped would, at any moment, catch the lion tamer’s whip and whirl him around the ring, if not actually eat him for supper in a frenzied bloodbath.

They don’t make circuses like they used to.

These Advocates For Animals people and kindred groups need to get a sense of perspective. They should look at themselves and purge their bands of hare-brained followers of the militant tendency element. Some of their disciples have committed more damage and cruelty than a lifetime of circuses.

If these ‘welfare’ terrorists had their way there would be no farmers’ shows, showjumping and, of course, all meat would be removed from shop shelves because it’s cruel to eat animals, don’t you know? Have they ever watched wildlife programmes, or seen big birds attack little birds?

Circuses like Zippo’s which travel around the country are hog-tied (what a cruel expression) by health and safety regulations like the rest of us. They compensate for the lack of wild animals by staging spectacular family entertainment in the form of the flying trapeze, daring tightrope walkers, contortionists, performing ponies and, of course, lots of clowning around.

Animal activists. Send in the clowns. Don’t bother, they’re here.