Published: Thursday, 1st January, 1970 12:00am

Knickers, Elvis returns and the Apocalypse

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In our second quotes of the year column, we look back at the election chaos in May and how the explosion of colour at Kelburn Castle was being commented on around the world, while knickers were being thrown at a well known local bookmaker who was stepping down..

BBC Breakfast tv presenter Dermot Murnaghan was highly impressed with David and Alice Boyle"s project to illustrate Kelburn Castle with Brazilian graffiti. Dermot said: 'I think it is a great idea. Maybe they should try the same thing with the Tower of London.'

Millport Community Council chairman Ian Frame was uncertain of Wee Cumbrae being converted into a "Love Island" for swingers but feared the interested purchasers may run into a problem or two ... 'We can"t see what"s going on so it is a case of out of sight, out of mind. It someone buys it then its good that it is being used. It might be perfectly okay but, of course, if it"s bedlam then we might have a few problems. It"s a bit rocky over there.'

Gull War ... 'It"s getting worse every year. You throw a mackerel on to the beach and they are not interested. They"d rather have chips.' Largs Community Council supremo Ian Murdoch pointed out that not only were seagulls stealing chips but they were becoming picky about their food during the debate to urge North Ayrshire Council to warn against the public feeding the gulls.

Just to prove that the "News" is international, and intergalactic, we received correspondence from former Largs man Ross Morton from New Zealand on the plague of call-centres which blight our daily lives.

Said Ross of Outward Bound: 'A couple of years ago we would call the local service who knew the local environment better than the back of their hands, and 'off we went' . Now, We have to phone a national line where someone in an office might as well be on Mars makes a call about something over which they have limited comprehension.'

'I have done it for charity. They were throwing knickers at me and everything. I said, in my best impersonation, thank you very much,' the Elvis Presley of Millport, John Burtt, stepped down from his island bookies business after 20 years to pursue pop stardom.

Seaview Cafe owner Ale Nardini found a suitable description for the summer weather as the clouds descended over his premises in Wemyss Bay resulting in a freak flood of the cafe. ... 'It almost looked apocalyptic. The clouds just went dark and it had a feeling of impending doom about it! We had to say to people that we had to clear out the flood water but they just said they wanted a cup of tea and weren"t too bothered at all.' 'In the first 25 minutes, we committed football suicide...' Largs Thistle manager Sandy McLean manages to come up with a new football jargon all on his own rather than the more familiar "it was a game of two halves" routine when speaking about Vale of Clyde"s 2-1 victory at Barrfields in November.

'I am not the kind of person who would go around with a chain around me - I would rather get my dungarees and trainers on and get a job done.' Councillor Liz McLardy of West Kilbride reveals to the "News" why she had no interest in becoming North Ayrshire Provost.

Stunned into silence ... 'I am absolutely gobsmacked. When I was told I was Largs Citizen of the Year I was so overwhelmed that I lost my voice for a minute or two!' Moira McGeogh swept up the local honour after washing the floor of the Age Concern building and was selected after her involvement in range of voluntary services in the town.

'I told them I was an OBE and that made all the difference - OBE standing for Over Bloody Eighty! They then gave me lunch and tea and that was very nice.' Largs intrepid campaigner Harry McEachan was treated well by the "polis" after he was arrested for his Trident protest at Clyde"s Faslane Base.

'We were all shouting "No Poo on My Shoe" on the parade as the dog did the toilet when we were passing,' Maureen Muir of the anti-dog dirt group was shocked when their award winning float on the Viking Festival Parade was interrupted by a Danish man allowing his dog to poo on the local seafront without clearing up the mess... boy did he pick the wrong town for that to happen!

And you wonder why the May elections confused the life out of the general public? New Largs councillor Alex Gallagher offered us this explanation on his website and in doing so makes us wonder if Carol Vorderman can come and explain the process before the next election comes along... 'The problem seems to be the MSP vote, with an ambiguity about where you can place the two X"s. It is leading to people placing two "X"s in the list column, where there should be only one and none in the constituency column. The paper is therefore declared wrong, and will certainly be declared void at the count...' Perhaps we should do the next vote by X-Factor style phone-in. At least everyone understands that... but on saying that, you might end up having a winner like Leon running the country!