I've been trying on dresses and frocks this week (what do you mean, madam that you thought I was a bit strange?)  It's all in a good cause because I am about to be a pantomime dame....oh, yes I am!

It won't be the first time I have gone down the drag route - or is it drag race these days - because I was Dame Dolly Dumpling or something in a Largs Players panto of Cinderella at Barrfields Theatre in the 90s (pictured).

On reflection, I look like one of my sisters, but although I played numerous panto characters down the decades, I never reached out for the padded bra again...in a manner of speaking.  Incidentally, I was once half of the panto horse, but I quit while I was a head.

Now, I have to say at this point that I have been declaring for the past 10 years that every show was my swansong. But the smell of the greasepaint and the glare of the stage lights keep drawing me back on to the boards. I must be the epitome of the old joke that even when I open the fridge door I have to sing and dance.

Last year I thought I'd completed the full circle when I appeared with Largs Operatic Society in Calendar Girls, having stripped off myself as the old geezer in The Full Monty for Largs Players.

So, there I was imbibing a glass or three of my medication - red wine - when my friend Joan Rae mentioned that she hadn't found anyone to play Dame in the panto "what she had wrote".

Every two years my former Players colleague writes a panto for Fairlie Bowling Club, and this year she came up with "Snawwhite", which will star bowler Wilma Rodger in the lead role along with other talented members.

As my good lady is a bowler, the red wine must have gone to my head when I said to authoress Joan that I would come out of retirement once again to find my feminine side. (Well, I always cry at Long Lost Family.)

Dame Lily White will, therefore, strut her stuff before the village audiences - and no, madam, I don't think there will be any tickets left! 

I actually went to the library for a book on pantomimes and the assistant said: "It's behind you."

In a way, it's a favour to my pal Joan as we go back decades with Largs Players and we have become the subjects of one of the club's legendary stories.

There we were, about 30 years ago, playing against each other in the famous Neil Simon comedy 'Plaza Suite', when we had an on-stage kiss.  Unfortunately, I had applied thick black make-up to my moustache and as we came out of the clinch my actual line was: "I've never seen you like this before."  

Cool as a cucumber, and peering into a vanity mirror, as the script advised, Joan responded: "No, I've never had a black moustache before!" Collapse of audience in fits of laughter.

My only worry, apart from remembering the lines, is trying to stay politically correct. It's not my style but having watched almost all of the Oran Mor pantos in Glasgow they get away with it.

Don't worry that you won't see me in action.  You can always catch the traditional Players panto Aladdie at Barrfields the following week. I might even be selling the programmes.

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Thought for the Week: Don't close the book when bad things happen in your life. Just turn the page and begin a new chapter.

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I am a great admirer of the inventiveness and resilience of the islanders of Cumbrae. 

Whether it be the conveyer belt of events and attractions in Millport during the holiday season, or the DIY attitude best exemplified by the awesome achievement of raising millions of pounds to resurrect and modernise the town hall, they don't hold back or churn out sob stories like some other communities.

Therefore, I fully support the campaign by the Cumbrae Ferry Committee to get a fairer deal for local passengers on the island ferry. In fact, it's a fare deal they're looking for from the Scottish transport minister Fiona Hyslop, and the state-owned Caledonian MacBrayne.

They say they have been literally "left up the creek without a paddle" by the withdrawal of certain ticket arrangements.  The islanders say, in some cases, that CalMac have imposed 70 per cent increases in fares. 

They seek the reinstatement of discount tickets for Millport travellers, multi-journey deals for the disabled and concession passengers, including local youngsters travelling without adults, and a plea for the reinstatement of multi-journey tickets for those who don't do digital purchases.

For some, the removal of season tickets almost doubles the cost of daily travel.

The cost of living on an island is one thing; the cost of sailing is another altogether.