Every newspaper columnist in the land has viscerated the SNP/Green goverment's latest nonsense so it would be remiss of me not to join the party. 

If you thought the Honey Monster was silly and a figment of someone's imagination how about the new figure of fiction...the Hate Monster.

Created by Police Scotland, it shows that you cannot trust the boys in blue to handle hate crime legislation. Not after reading that an anonymous person accused Conservative MSP Murdo Fraser of such a 'crime'. Despite dismissing it, the police still recorded it. Just because they could.

What was it he said that a woke person found hateful?  Mr Fraser likened identifying as non-binary to identifying "as a cat".

By the time you read this there will probably have been about 10,000 complaints to the police, based on the fact that there were almost 4,000 in the first two days alone.

It could only be the one-trick pony SNP who could choose April Fool's Day to spark a blazing row about prejudice, offence and freedom of speech in Scotland with their Orwellian Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Act.

Now there is a Police Scotland video featuring a character called the Hate Monster who gets "bigger and bigger, till he's weighing ye doon". "Then, before ye know it," it goes on, "ye've committed a hate crime."

The video has been rightly ridiculed on social media. Incredibly, the police invited complaints by stating that they would investigate every one of them. By the third day they claimed they were "coping with them". Really? Thousands upon thousands of emails.

We then had Ayrshire SNP MSP Siobhan Brown saying that most of the complaints were "fake" and "vexatious." Who knew? She's the Minister for Victims, by the way.

Tony Lenehan KC, president of the Faculty of Advocates Criminal Bar Association, said: "Broadcasters, after dinner speakers, comedians, debaters and dramatists must trust to luck that they don't end up being prosecuted under it."

You can add newspaper columnists to the list.

It is worth remembering that First Minister Humza Yousaf was the justice secretary who shepherded the Hate Crime Bill through the Scottish Parliament, stating that you could be arrested for saying something in your own living room.

He's obviously read George Orwell, who predicted this horror story of the Thought Police in his famous 1984 book.

Largs and Millport Weekly News:

On the face of it, the law criminalises threatening or abusive behaviour which is intended to stir up hatred against someone who appears to possess, certain characteristics. They are age, disability, religion, sexual orientation, transgender identity and other "variations" like identifying as a cat.

Rebel SNP politician Joanna Cherry KC - who must be a reader of this page - predicted that the new law would be "weaponised by trans rights activists to try to silence, and worse still, criminalise women who do not share their beliefs".

"There is no right not to be offended," added Ms Cherry. Hear, hear.

Bearing in mind that most Labour and Liberal Democrat MSPs helped put this bizarre bill through Holyrood, the Scottish 'State' appears to be willing to interfere in people's private lives. There is an added genuine danger of "completely malicious" complaints being recorded and retained by police for future reference.

Police Scotland who, let's face it, are not very good at solving many crimes, has pledged to investigate every hate crime complaint it receives.  That'll be the Honey Monster Department. 

Try reporting vandalism and theft. David Kennedy, general secretary of the Scottish Police Federation said the police don't have time" to deal with a deluge of complaints. "They can barely attend the calls at the moment," warned Mr Kennedy.       

Incidentally, in the "you couldn't make it up" scenario of the new law, you can report a hate 'crime' to Luke and Jack's, a sex shop in Glasgow, co-owned by a guy called Drew (no, nothing to do with me, madam).

The Honey Monster used to hide in a cupboard and announce: "Tell them about the honey, mummy," Someone ought to shove the Hate Monster in a dark cupboard, and bolt the door. 

Thought for the Week: What happens when you get offended? Nothing. That's it.  Wipe away the snowflakes and get on with living life.

Largs and Millport Weekly News:

Not content with transforming Douglas Park from a council wasteland to a green floral pasture and pathway, lovingly developed and tended, the volunteers who look after the area have added the latest attraction.

A very smart pergola (pictured) has been set up in the centre of the park in memory of Largs community activist David Macdonald who died last year.

With the help of grants and donations, including from the Largs and District Dementia Friendly Committee for whom David was a member, the specially commissioned pergola is surrounded by planters in a mini sensory garden.

Kelburn Windfarm Trust has given thousands of pounds to the talented group who also hold fundraising events. There are attractive benches in memory of local people who loved to visit Douglas Park. 

If you haven't been I recommend a stroll round the grounds.