NOT a lot of people know or care about North Ayrshire Council's new tier of government, the Local Community Partnerships....so here's a helpful hint or two.

Until a few months ago there was a North Coast Area Committee which consisted of elected councillors Alan Hill and Grace McLean (both SNP), Tom Marshall (Conservative) and Alex Gallagher (Labour). They took local decisions on planning, grants, housing etc assisted by council officers and special guests like the police inspector.

Well, now they have switched to the North Coast and Cumbrae Local Community Partnership, otherwise known by the catchy acronym of NCCLCP.

They have increased public participation by appointing the chairs of the respective community councils as members. In case you don't know them off by heart they are:

Helen Boyle (Skelmorlie), Douglas Blair (Largs), Rita Holmes (Fairlie), Mr J G Lamb (West Kilbride), and Frank Corcoran (Cumbrae). Kay Hall of West Kilbride and Jean Kerr, Cumbrae have been selected by the council to be public representatives. How they got there wasn't particularly democratic...and therein lies the rub.

As a Largs Community Councillor I might occasionally agree with my colleagues on an issue. This probably won't happen often as I have to remind many of them that they are not, in fact, Largs Objection Council. Some of them feel a fervent need to either oppose or vote on every item that comes before us.

However, suppose we all agree on something at Largs Community Council or, indeed, the three or four who attend Cumbrae Community Council for the perceived benefit of you, the people.

So it goes forward to the NCCLCP (remember them....check the third paragraph) and there is every chance that what is a unanimous view or decision of Largs voices of the community, or Cumbrae, or Skelmorlie, or Fairlie will be chucked out, or overturned.

So much for local partnership, then.

At a recent Largs council meeting chairman Douglas Blair admitted that our unanimous views could be thrown out by the new group.

On the other hand, some communities on the new North Ayrshire committee have more folk than others. For example, the elected councillors of West Kilbride will also sit around the table with the village representatives, giving them a strong hand when it comes to spending money.

In the past year I have been propositioned (nothing new, of course) on a number of occasions about joining this or that organisation.

However, retirement was really brought home to me the other week when a leaflet was thrust into my sweaty palm by a fellow senior citizen.

An exclusive invitation, purported to come from the Smiles Friendship Club, advertised - and I quote - "A Retirement Establishment for Recycled Teenagers."

I began to suspect this might not be a genuine invite when the leaflet informed me that Betty Bunion would be displaying her wonderful collection of varicose veins with interval refreshments provided by Chewitforyou Catering.

The Inaudible Dance Programme is to feature The Senile Saunter, The Wrinkly Swing, Rhumba Rheumatica, The Quivering Quickstep, The Flatulence Foxtrot and The Forgotten It Waltz.

Mind you, health and safety has been taken into consideration by the new Friendship Club as no zimmer frames or walking aids will be allowed on the dance floor.

I guess it could be a new Scottish Government initiative as the back page says it is sponsored by the Geriatric Sports For All department.

By now, you will all know (my two loyal readers.....mum and dad) that I scan the archives for bygone stories. To show how times have changed since the start of the 20th century.....

Major Eckford of Largs, at a meeting of Greenock Established Presbytery spoke on the subject of lapsed church-goers decrying the citizens who were "driving about for pleasure and bicycling and tri-cycling on Sundays!" Shame on them.